february 3, 2011

Opening up my Outlook today, it was almost a relief to see something from Reverb HQ.  I joined #reverb10 on a whim, based on a tweet from a friend from high school.  Little did I realize that one act of impulse would spin me off of the path of least resistance, onto another full of obstacles, chores and adventure.  The daily prompts that we received created the opportunity to fight through that wall that I had built around myself, forced me to do something every day, and led me into discussions with others and with myself.  I’ve found a couple of other daily prompt features, but none has kept me churning out posts with the same diligence or been as helpful to me as #reverb10 has been.

Today’s email was a prompt for the month of February. 

February Prompt:
One month into 2011, what question(s) are you living? Are there any prompts/questions that arose during #reverb10 that are still resonating in your life? Are you living new questions?

So, it’s back to looking inward, and I have discovered that there’s really nothing to be afraid of.  There’s nothing lurking way back there in the dark that I can’t face about myself.  I have changed a lot in the two months since I clicked “participate” on the #reverb10 site.  I’d like to think that I’ve changed for the better, and that leads me to this month’s response.

This year, I am discovering both what it means to be a friend, and also what it means to have friends.  This year, push is coming to shove.  The rubber is hitting the road.  Time to put my money where my mouth is.  Prompts from December focused on things about myself, and having to take a good hard look at me has freed me of some of the stop-sticks that I have always thrown out to prevent myself from getting too close to people.

This is going to be a very hard year for people who I love, and the question that I am living, at all moments, is how I am going to react.  That doesn’t mean that I’m making it all about me.  I mean to say that I am faced with the question of how much of ME can I will I let go of, to help those that I care about.  In doing for others, will I let them see the real, emotional, basket case that I am? 

Can I be strong enough to support those that are going to need me in the days and months to come while at the same time, exposing that soft, chewy center?

I want to build on the foundation that I laid out with #reverb10.  I want to open up to people around me, compare notes, debate, discuss and discover.  I have made some new friends, and I look forward to deepening those friendships.  My kids are moving through the all important, cringe-worthy teenage years, and I want to make sure that we keep the lines of communication open.  My husband & I are entering a new phase of our relationship, too.  I look forward to spending my life with this man, and I hope that the next couple of years will move us comfortably toward our “adult-hood.”

The relief  that I mentioned before?  It comes from the sense that I’m not doing this alone.  There’s a whole group of people who are working together, creating, sharing and caring for each other. 

So, welcome back.  You have no idea how glad I am to see you again!