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January 26, 2011

I started to post last night, but abandoned it part way through.  I was in the middle of a full blown temper tantrum/pity party/meltdown, and nothing was flowing coherently.

The evening started out fine…I got home, and my daughter actually got dinner going.  A mishap with the macaroni was, unfortunately for all of us, enough to send me right over the edge.

As many of you know, our family has been rocked with quite a bit lately…we lost my grandmother right before Thanksgiving, several of us are still fighting the flu, my husband came down with Bell’s Palsy on Christmas Day, and my dear cousin & friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Work has been especially stressful the last couple of weeks, as a prospective client is wavering on a decision.  Current clients are their usual, demanding selves.

Taken one at a time, I’d probably be just fine.  I’ve dealt with much bigger stuff before; but, right now, I’m feeling a range of emotions that threaten to overwhelm me.  I’m not acting like  my usual, smart-ass self.  Add to that the guilt that I feel over the knowledge that I have got it pretty good overall, and I am lost.

Oh sure, I know that I am one of the lucky ones.  I have been married to the same wonderful man for eighteen & a half years.  We have two beautiful, smart, good kids that are no trouble.  We own our own home, have two cars, two dogs, and two good jobs.  So, what the hell do I have to cry about, right?

Nothing.  Now is the time that I need to pull up my big girl panties, put a smile on my face and remember that others are dealing with some serious crap.  Now is the time to remember that others need me, and going to bed at 8:00 is not an acceptable way to hide from the world.

Things will get better for those around us.  Unless they don’t, and then I will deal with that, too.  I have a husband who is trying to deal with the fact that half of his face is paralyzed.  A neurology appointment the other day went a long way to reassuring him that it will heal in time…but, it takes just that.  Time.  Dave is still a very good looking man, even if he doesn’t feel that way.  I tried to explain that it’s not like he’s the Elephant Man or anything.  It’s just that when he talks, only one side animates.

The flu WILL go away.  My nose WON’T run forever. 

Clients are a demanding because they don’t understand the ins & outs of the insurance system.  I do, and that’s why I have a job. 

My cousin will fight in every way that she knows how.  And I will be right by her side, helping in any way that I can think of.

My kids will continue to be the wonderful, sarcastic, funny pains in my ass that they always are, but they will be my joy, as well.

Okay.  Pity party over.  Sorry to dump this here, but it’s much better than giving myself a migraine, or drinking myself senseless.