December 29 – Defining Moment
Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.
(Author: Kathryn Fitzmaurice)
I have danced around this one all day. I have come up with several moments throughout the year that I could slap together for a post; but, none of those things really fit the bill.
So, instead, I’m going to cop out on this prompt. There’s a very definite moment that affected me this year. It’s the kind of situation that you find your self in when it’s time to walk the walk, vs. talking the talk.
Except that I can’t tell you what it is. Believe me. I would love to go through & pick apart every aspect of the situation. It’s almost like this prompt was addressed strictly to me. I find it interesting that so many feel that it’s a retread, and that they have already answered this prompt several times over. Here’s my fireworks display of a prompt. The bomb, ticking away.
But at the very heart of it, there’s another person. That person is someone who I would walk through fire for. I would kill for them. I would, quite simply, die for them. And it’s not my story to tell, without their permission. They’ve given me a gift, and shared something so important, something that will forever change their life & in a smaller way, mine. I am crushed by the trust placed in me.
All of my life, I have believed that I felt a certain way. I supported others that felt this way. I staunchly defended others in the same situation. I thought I knew what I would say if I was ever confronted with the same thing. I thought that I would be the model for how you’re supposed to act in this situation.
Then, all of a sudden, there it was. In my face! Okay, Brandee, put your money where your mouth is.
Could I, when presented with something that I’d always said that I supported, actually do it?
I would love to say that I behaved honorably.
I got angry. I denied. I belittled. I cried.
In some ways, I was angriest that this person said that they had me so figured out that they felt that I was acting out the clichés of others that have come before.
Several months have gone by. I have tried to be the person that I thought that I was. I watch for signs to see if maybe, just maybe, the thing that is out there might just be a phase, an idea. Even that sentence fills me with disappointment in myself. If this is truly the way that life is going to be, why can’t I accept it, go with it, move on? I thought that I was better than that.
Maybe I’m not. But I was defined by that moment, and I can’t get it back. I’m hoping that in 2011, I can earn the trust that this person has graced me with, and write a new definition for myself.