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December 19 – Healing

by admin on 12/18/2010 in Prompts

December 19 – Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

(Author: Leoni Allan)

But, I wasn’t broken.  Move along, folks.  Everything’s fine.  Nothing to see here.

My knee-jerk answer to this was to deny.  Deny, deny, deny.  I’m okay.  I don’t need anything.

I’m one of those folks that will fall apart later, thank you very much.  If I just keep shuckin’ & jiving, nobody will ever know that anything is wrong.  I won’t lose my cool, and I’ll be the hero.  The best example that I can think of is from the day of my grandmother’s funeral.  All day long, all I wanted to do was to crumple up and cry in a corner.  Instead, I just kept smiling, shaking hands with people at the service, and then working non-stop in the kitchen back at my mom’s house.  The minute anyone tilted their head to the side and asked, “Are you okay?” I would start to crack. 

It wasn’t until I stepped onto a new career path that I realized that I was hurting in a lot of ways.  The constant levels of stress that I was under with my prior job were slowly increasing my blood pressure, giving me migraines, and making me generally unhappy.

On the outside, though, you would never have known it.  At least, I tell myself that I was really good at hiding my stress.  Just don’t ask my family.  They bore the brunt of my temper, and my horrible mood swings.  I’m not proud of this. 

Now, I am doing things that make me feel better.  In turn, those around me get the better me.  Now, I’m better equipped to deal with two teenagers & the inherent moods they shower over everyone & everything.  We go to the gym several times a week.  We sit down to dinner together every night.  We talk – really talk.

I’m not broken any more, and I hope that I’ve healed some of the breaks with my family.