Peering into the crystal ball…#trust30 #postaday2011

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#trust30, crystal_ball, future, goals, planning, postaday2011

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

My favorite quote of all time is Alan Kay: ‘In order to predict the future, you have to invent it.’ I am all about inventing the future. Decide what you want the future to be and make it happen. Because you can. Write about your future now.

(Author: Cindy Gallop)

The blank page sits here, taunting me.  The empty blue lines represent my immediate future.  Some days, that long stretch of white intimidates me, and on other days, my hand flows across the page with almost no breaks between words.  Some days, I start a post over and over again before I find any sort of rhythm.  On other days, with words and feelings pouring from me, my immediate future is realized.  Often, when I start, I finish in a completely different place that I originally intended.

I’m not a planner.  I wasn’t one of those kids that knew what they wanted to be when they grew up…well, except that I wanted to be a Phoenix Sun.  Imagine my disgust when I finally understood that, at just under five foot seven and a girl to boot, I was probably not going to make it in the NBA.

I’m one of those insufferable people who seems to have all of the important things in life…there must have been a grand master plan, right?  A husband of almost nineteen years, two good kids, a mortgage, cars, decent jobs…all of the things that matter.  Yet, I’ve never actually planned for any of these things.  they have been happy accidents (Ben) or spur of the moment decisions (Dave proposing after we’d only known each other a month.)

To look ahead and try to pick something specific, lay it out and make it happen is completely foreign to me.  At work, I have three running to do lists, to help keep me on track.  I get distracted quickly. 

Suddenly, though, there are things that I would like to accomplish, places I want to go and people who I want to spend time with.  I’m nurturing ideas for things that will require effort, planning and focus.

Peering into my crystal ball, I’m seeing shapes through the mist, and for the first time, I’m feeling the desire to take steps to make these shapes more concrete.  I’m better equipped emotionally, intellectually and personally than I have ever been before.

One step closer… #trust30 #postaday2011

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#trust30, children's_books, drawing, InkyTwig, postaday2011, writing

Do your work, and I shall know you.  Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take a moment, step back from your concerns, and focus on one thing: You have one life to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted. Sounds simple, but when you really focus on it, let it seep into your consciousness, you realize you only have about 100 years to get every single thing you’ve ever wanted to do. No second chances. This is your only shot. Suddenly, this means you should have started yesterday. No more waiting for permission or resources to start. Today is the day you make the rest of your life happen. Write down one thing you’ve always wanted to do and how you will achieve that goal. Don’t be afraid to be very specific in how you’ll achieve it: once you start achieving, your goals will get bigger and your capability to meet them will grow.

(Author: Colin Wright)

Lately, the ambition to work on a children’s book has gotten much stronger.  It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do, but had never really vocalized or pursued.  One thing and another have always discouraged me.

I’ve never considered myself an artist.  I’ve always liked to draw, but never pursued it in any way…like I’ve never pursued writing in any form until now.  When I was in high school, one of my best friends was an artist.  She could draw or paint anything, in just about any style.  She could do it at the drop of a hat, and could do it quickly.  We had another friend that was the singer.  Both were and still are incredibly talented.  In comparison, I was…the blond.

When I got into college, I took a beginning art course, to fill an elective credit.  It turned out to be one of the best classes I ever took, not because of anything I produced, but because of the professor.  He was incredibly kind and encouraging.  We would get an assignment on Monday, each week, and it would be due the following Monday.  We would have to stand with our project and talk about it in front of the class.  I could  have drawn a stick figure, and he would have found something nice to say about it.  His theory was that you could do anything, as long as you committed to it, and took your time.  We learned to find the good in our own work, and to find satisfaction in producing something original.

Fast forward to present day.  I know that there are specific things that I need to do in order to achieve my dream:

1. Develop an idea – I have several little seedlings that just need to be planted & cultivated.  I need to pick a couple and run with them.
2. Practice.  Practice writing and practice drawing.  I need to develop some consistency.
3. Make a plan – How far do  I really want to take this?  Do I want to simply entertain family & friends with my squiggles?  Do I want to be published?

When it’s written down like this, it actually doesn’t sound so intimidating.  Perhaps this dream is attainable.  I just need to take that first step.  Maybe my one thing was actually vocalizing my dream.

(Image credit – me – a drawing inspired by my friend, InkyTwig)

There’s no business like show business #trust30 #postaday2011

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#trust30, dancing, postaday2011, public_speaking, stage_fright

There’s No Business Like Show Business – Trust 30 – June 12th

I will not hide my tastes or aversions.  I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself.  How will you surprise yourself this week?

(Author: Ashley Ambirge)

I’ve written before about stage fright.  I have it.  I struggle with it all of the time.  The notion of ever being any type of performer, whether it be actor, musician, dancer, etc., is enough to give me the sweats.

I discovered this early.  When I was in the fourth grade, some older girls decided to put together a pom-pom/dance team.  I had always played sports and was the only girl with two blocks of our house my age.  Dancing?  This was my chance to do something girly – a way to fit in.

Twice a week after school, about ten of us would meet in the grassy area between the third and fifth grade buildings.  There was an outlet there, where one of the teenagers could plug in her portable record player.  She had a 45 of “Staying Alive,” by the Bee Gees.

Somehow, a spot was obtained to perform at an assembly for the parents.  We just had to practice our routine until we had it down cold.

On the night of the “show,” we lined up outside of the cafeteria…a bunch of nine-year olds in red or blue tee shirts, white shorts and knee-high socks.  The first pumping notes started and we strutted in.  None of us had actually seen “Saturday Night Fever;” but, one of the teenagers had.  She’d had us strutting back and forth in the grass like John Travolta for weeks.

We got through the majority of the number pretty well.  I could actually hear myself counting steps out loud.  Toward the end of the song, half of the line was to run out one way and the other half was to run out in the opposite direction.  Seemed pretty simple; except that, for weeks, I had been practicing on the left side. On the night of the show, the bossier of the two teenagers switched me with another girl.  That girl apparently hadn’t lost as many teeth as me, and she made for better eye-candy.

That change!  As the song ended, I turned exactly on point and started to skip…unfortunately, I was skipping in the wrong direction.  Angry teenager was frantically waiving her arms and doing that yell-whisper thing.

“Other way!  Go the other way!”

In my confusion, I froze.  For an eternity that could only have lasted a couple of seconds, I just stood there.  The other girls had safely cleared the floor; but, I had ended up in the exact center of the stage.  I heard a dad laugh, and I could feel the blood rush to my face.

Suddenly, the message from my brain made it to my feet.

“RUN!”

I did, and still in the wrong direction.

By the time we all gathered outside the cafeteria again, the angry teenager was yelling.

“Why did you turn that way?  We practiced it thousands of times!”

I was too mortified to cry.

It didn’t matter that I had hit every other mark, or that two other girls had actually run into each other and almost fallen.  I was the one that ran the wrong way.

From that moment on, any time that I would have to get up in front of people to speak or even just to introduce someone, I would worry myself physically ill.

Throughout high school and college, into my working life, I’ve had many obligations for public speaking.

The biggest surprise of all was to find myself in a career where standing up in front of people to speak is a regular occurrence.  These days, if I’m able to get more than a couple of hours of sleep the night before or if I can get through the presentation without turning red and blotchy, it’s a good day.

I have a presentation on Thursday this week.  I’m going to try to surprise myself by not worrying about it.  It’s just insurance, after all.  The employees will have already spent hours in new hire orientation.  About the only way that I will be able to keep their eyes from glazing over will be to set myself on fire.

(image credit)